As she placed me up there her brother said, "I wish I couldgive Janie that bonding time." She could come to my daycare," I heard Katie say. "If you've decidedshe's so immature at this point anyway there's no reason she couldn't.We'd take her for free since you're my brother..."'Poor Janie,' I thought as I nursed.IVY LOOKED DOWN at Holly and was relieved that she was nursing hersecond breast with her eyes closed. The rhythmic suckling continued ata slower rate and she knew that the milk was again doing what it shouldhave been doing the last few days. She wasn't quite sure what wasdifferent with her not going instantly to sleep those times. Katie hadfinally taken Kelly and cleaned her up. She made a big production ofputting her 'baby girl' into one of Janie's diapers. A spare onesiefrom the same diaper bag fit her a little snug, but no one would thinkanything of it. Even as she sat down at the table and opened her shirtup to begin nursing Kelly she couldn't see anything that far out of. If it was a pure coincidence then I hadn't given anything away but if she really was from the 'outside' then she would know when to wait for a suitable opportunity. Everybody in the cult knew I was watched almost continuously and she would know that I was being ultra cautious. No more was said that morning. That afternoon I spied Debbie playing with Trixie in the dining hall. I hadn't seen my child since the plane journey.The campus was a big place and Debbie still had her special private 'royal chambers' despite her fall in status. I attempted to enter the dining hall but my chain was blocked at the door. This puzzled me for it was normally available to me. I called to Debbie to bring Trixie over but she simply looked at me through tear-stained eyes and left through another door to a part of the campus that had always been out of bounds to me. Disappointed at being denied a chance to see my daughter I shrugged my shoulders and shuffled dejectedly away. I missed Trixie. I hadn't gone.
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